Fangs for the Snog
by E arth. K id. T ree. H ugger
Summary: Set during "And that's when it fell off in my hand" At Rosie's teenage werewolf party, Gee DOES snog Dave, and it's sort of following that. This is my 1st fanfic, so bear with me. It'll get better, I promise. Gee and Dave
1. And Then Angus Fell On My Basoomas

**Sunday March 13**

**10.00 am**

Have accidently woken up at the crack of dawn. I wonder why? Hmmm. Maybe it's because of that little, _err_, _situation_ that I got myself into last night. Last night being Ro Ro's teenage werewolf party. Yes, that's right: I have, once again, accidently snogged Dave the Laugh. Only this time it wasn't behind everyone's backs. This time we got to number 6 ¼ in front of EVERYONE. After I had stopped snogging Dave – which I did for a very long time because I got caught up in the snoggosity of he moment – we saw that everyone was just staring at us. A girl came and started screaming at Dave that he was a cheaterer and a liar – I think her name was Rachel – and then she just pulled him out of _le _door, still yelling. That was when I noticed Ellen and Jas giving me dagger-looks. Ellen just looked me in the eye and said, "Bitch," and walked away with _mon_ bestest (not) pally, the queen of the Ramblers, Jazzy Spazzy. Ro-Ro came and touched my arm.

"Gee."

"_Oui mon_ pally?"

"I think you may be slightly drunk – you just snogged Dave the Laugh in front of everyone. Come on, I'll take you home."

Ro-Ro walked with me and for once was quite serious. Crikey.

"Why'd you do it, Gee? I know you're drunk, but this isn't exactly like you."

"I'm not drunk."

"Pull the other one, Gee. If you're going to snog him, at least you'd normally do it in secret."

"He's a good nip libbler." Oh Lord Sandra! Why was I telling Ro-Ro all of this? I know she is one of my bestest pallies, but Spazzy Jazzy is the only one who I have told, because she is my bestest ever pally. Maybe.

Ro-Ro just stood there like a goosegog, looking at me freakishly.

"Oh my God, Gee! Did you just say _nip_ libbler? Really? That is _so _funny!" and she did this weird Libby-style laughing: hoggygoghoghoggyhog.

Rosie wouldn't stop laughing so I said "Ro-Ro, get back before Sven burns down your house and I will call you tomorrow."

Maybe I was a little bit drunk, because I just didn't care really, that Dave and I had snogged in front of everyone. I do now though. I must go and ring _mon_ bestest pally, Spazzy."

**10. 05 **

**The phone**

"Jas,"

"Who's this?"

She knows who I am, the stupid fringy twit.

"Gee."

"Oh hi Gee. Didn't know it was you," – yeah right – "I thought it was some horrible red-bottomed tart who goes around snogging their best friend's exes and making a certain _Laugh _cheat on his girlfriend. Rachel is very upset, you know."

"Oh, so you are now officially the bestest pally of _Rachel_, and no longer Georgia then? Well, that's nice isn't it? I just rang to tell you that I LOVE DAVE, and that is what I get? Thanks a lot Jazzy Spazzy!"

Stupid fringey twit, as I have said so before. She sides with _Rachel_, when I ring to tell her that I am in love with a certain Laugh. – wait a moment! Back up there Gee. Did I just say that I love Dave? I can't, can I? And I most certainly didn't ring Mrs. Rambler for her to tell her I love Dave – which I most certainly don't! No, I can't. I am in love with a Sex God named Robbie. Who dumped me for a wombat in Kiwi-a-gogo Land, it has to be said.

**2 minutes later**

**Ringing Ro-Ro**

"Queen of the Vikings at your service!"

"Ro-Ro!"

"Hi Gee – no, Sven, no snogging while I am on the phone – yes, after I have finished talking to Gee we can do haddock snogging!"

"Good Grief, Ro-Ro. What's haddock snogging? – no, actually, I don't want to know."

"Fine, Gee, what's up? As much as I care about you, _mon _pally, Sven and haddock snogging is very tempting. So spit it out!"

Well. What a caring and lovely person Ro-Ro is. Well. She is. She's just a bit (_Just _a bit?) mad.

"Erm, well, I told Spazzy that I love Dave…"

"Woah – no, Sven, I told you to wait – and do you?" I could tell Ro-Ro was thinking – scary bananas.

"Um, I don't think so… I love the Sex God, in Kiwi-a-gogo Land, don't I? Well, I think I do, at least. Do you think… um… well… that… you know…he… and…yeah?"

Ro-Ro displays such wisdomosity sometimes it amazes me. "Gee. Get a grip. You've turned into Ellen. It is _le _fact, that you and Dave have been having many accidental snogs – yes, Gee, I'm a mind reader… well, no actually, I just have good Viking eyes and senses, but that is beside the point – and you obviously like each other a lot, and Rachel was obviously only his girlfriend because he couldn't stay single and depressed about you."

"Wow, Ro-Ro, that's deep! Jazzy Spazzy just had a spazattack on the phone just then. She definitely does not have your wisdomosity, Ro-Ro. Ro-Ro…"

"Yes…"

"Have you spoken to Ellen?"

"You mean the very lovable dithery one?"

"_Oui, c'est vrai_. Is she okay, y'know… I did kind of maybe snog her ex that she still likes in front of her…"

"Yeah, you did, but she's one of your bestest pallies and she'll come around. Anyway, I must go… there is some haddock snogging that I must do… pip pip."

Rosie definitely showed some wisdomosity, but she didn't tell me what to do about the whole fandango. Huh.

**3 minutes later**

**Still sat by the phone**

I wonder if Dave will ring… nah, he won't. I just wrecked things with his girlfriend.

Rrrrrrring, rrrrrriiiing.

"Good morning, this is the president of Confusion Club, how may I help you?"

"And what may you be confuzzled about, Sex Kitty?"

Oh Slim's chins and dear Lord Sandra. It's Dave. I swear he can read my mind sometimes… Gee, say something you fule!

"Oh… hi Dave."

"You don't sound very pleased to speak to me, Kittykat. Why might that be?"

Oh my giddy God! He's not angry with me? But he must be. Surely? I wrecked his relationship with Rachel, did I not?

"Oh… um… you just took me by surprise, that's all. I am pleased to talk to you Dave, I just thought you wouldn't want to talk to… to… me."

"Have I missed something, KittyKat? When do I ever not want to talk to you?"

"But… didn't… werewolf… Rosie… Spazzy… Ellen… bitch… snog… is it… or… you know… I don't know… Rachel… girlfriend… yours?"

"Oh my God, you've turned into Ellen. Now explain properly, Sex Kitty."

"Didn't I completely ruin yours and Rachel's relationship cos I snogged the living daylights out of you – God, I was the cat's pyjamas – and your girlfriend saw and Ellen and everyone and Spazzy is being spazzy and all of that? Aren't you mad?"

"No, why would I be? I always did think Rachel was a bit overly-nice. And who's Spazzy?"

"Jas. She's always having ditherspazzes and spazattacks, and Jazzy rhymes with Spazzy."

"Oooh, a Sex Kitty with brains. Absolutely Marvy. Anyway, I didn't particularly like Rachel. Anyway, are you alright? Are you worried that Tom will tell Robbie, or that Ellen won't like you anymore? Anyway, I don't blame her for not getting over me – I am, after all, Jack the Biscuit."

"Well, Ro-Ro says that the dithery one will get over it, and Jas is my best mate. But I _am _worried about what Robbie thinks. Hey Dave, I think we need to talk and find out what's going on here…"

"I agree completely, KittyKat. I'm coming over, so get out of your Teletubby jimjams."

Hey! He just hung up – oh my giddy God, how did Dave know that I'm wearing Teletubby jimjams?

**10 minutes later**

**My bedroom**

Jeans, new blue top, silver ballet flats, brush hair. Ow bugger ow! Just caught a HUGE knot in my hair! Ow! Finally, hair knot-free, but it still looks spazzoid. Oh well.

Just-tumbled-out-of-bed-natural makeup: foundation, eyeliner, mascara, lippy, lip-gloss, lip-liner. That should do it. Oooh. Now for nails. Blue. No, metallic purple (That has good memories attached to it – when Jas came over before a Stiff Dylan's gig, and while she was doing my nails this colour, it said on the news: "Last night the prime minister reached number Ten"! Ahahaha. Had such a huge laughing spaz. Do you get it? If you don't then you need to grow some sense-of-humour cells.). Or should I do pink? Or a French tip? Yeah, French tip exudes sophisticosity! But why I'd need that around Dave the Laugh I do not know.

Oh, the bell is ringing. I have spent so much time dithering over which nail polish to use, I haven't had time to put any on. Damn.

**Front door**

Got to the door _trés _quickly.

"Hey Dave," I said, letting him in.

"Hey KittyKat."

And that's when Angus jumped onto my basoomas. He was just sitting there, digging his claws in (ow) and purring contentedly. That's just the fabnosity of life. My nungas are so big that even Angus can sit on them and have room. Meanwhile Dave is pissing himself laughing.

"Oh KittyKat. Your nungas really are priceless. Do you think I'd fit on them? Do you want to do a scientific experiment? There would be _nothing _rudey-dudey about it. Purely scientific."

I shake Angus off my nungas and turn to glare at Dave. "Dave."

"Georgia."

"Let's go outside."

Dave and me walked to the back fields, because no-one ever goes there. I sat down on a fence, and so did Dave.

"Gee, are you sure you're safe on this fence? Your nungas might make you overbalance, and we don't want that."

"Hey! Stop insulting the nungas! They have feelings, you know!"

"Yeah yeah," Dave laughed, but then became very unlaughish. "Georgia. What exactly is going on? You and I keep snogging, even though I have – sorry, _had_ – a girlfriend, and you are technically going out with Robbie."

"Yeah… I dunno. You're a good snogger, Dave. And it must be said, you are _excellent _at lip nibbling… maybe I do _like _like you."

Oh Lord Sandra! Did I really just say that?!?!

"Do you Gee?"

Oh _Gott _in _Himmel_! What do I say? Do I like-like him? Does he like me in that way?

"Do you like me in that way?"

"Sex Kitty, I always have. I became mates with you after the red-herring fiasco so that I didn't have to lose you completely… but how do you feel about me?"

"I'm not sure. I feel weird seeing you with other girls, and I like snogging you. You keep popping into my head when I am thinking about other things and you do make me laugh. But I didn't really feel like I do now when I used you as a red-herring. It was when you went out with Ellen that I started feeling like this."

Dave hugged me tightly for a few moments, and pulled back a bit. He looked at me, grinned, and said: "God, Gee, you really can't keep your hands off me! I do believe you like me quite a lot. D'you want to be official snogging partners?"

I was quiet for a few moments, thinking. Do I? I did accidently tell Jas that I love Dave. But on the other hand, it's quite nice to have a mate with snogging benefits. But he'll have to get another girlfriend if I say no, and I don't like it when Dave has a girlfriend.

"Um, yeah." I said at last. I really don't like all of these awkward moments. It seems Dave doesn't either, because he just said "Great,", jumped off the fence, waited for me to get down and grabbed my hand. Then we started running, singing "The hills are alive with the sound of PANTS!" over and over again.

**3.00pm**

**My room**

Wow. Never though I'd see the day when Dave and I would be official snogging partners. Well, okay, I have – but that was when I was using him as a red herring, and that doesn't count.


	2. You are such a BottyKisser!

**Authors note: I forgot to do this for chapter 1, but I don't own anything except for the plot. Louise Rennison owns the rest. But if Louise Rennison wants to use any of my ideas (If she reads this and I doubt that she will) she can. Also, can you please review them? I tend to write faster with reviews, because then I feel like there is a point to me doing this. **

**Also can you subscribe?**

**Ta**

**8.35**

**Running to Jas'**

Typico. Jas is not there. I bet she's still _ignorez-vousing _me.

Will have to run and see if I can catch up with her.

**8.50**

**Monday**

**Stalag 14**

Have arrived puffing and panting at the school gates and Jas is nowhere to be found. Marvellous.

"Miss Nicolson! Take a bad conduct mark for arriving at school all red and sweaty!"

Marvellous. I'm on time for once, and I _still _get a bad conduct mark. Hawkeye hates me. really, she does. Now I just have to find the Ace Gang.

**Assembly**

"Jas!" I hissed to her.

Typico. She's still _ignorez-vousing _me. Ah well, I'll tell Ro-Ro. She's a much better pally than my supposed bestie, anyway.

"Ro-Ro!"

"Gee-Gee!"

"I have marvy news!"

"Tell! Tell! Wait, let me guess… you are going to be a Viking with me!"

"Yeah, I will Ro-Ro, but that is not it. Dave the Laugh and _moi _are official snogging partners!"

"_Non"_

"_Oui"_

"_Non"_

"_Oui"_

"_Non"_

"I do believe that in French if someone says a negative, and you are saying it isn't true, you do not say _oui_. You say _si_. If you'd been paying attention in Froggie you'd know."

"Oh, it seems that Jazzy Spazzy has decided to speak to me now."

Jas just sort of hmphed and went back to listening to Slim warble on about her chins or something like that.

"I'm so happy for you Gee," Mabs said, who'd been listening to Ro-Ro's and my "_non_" and _"oui" _fight.

**Froggie**

I was telling Jools about the Dave the Laugh-official-snogging-partners story (Ellen giving me the evils the whole time), and she was really amazed. She yelled out "_Non" _and cos I knew Madame Slack was listening, I yelled out "_Si!_"

Madame Slack was thrilled and came over and gave me a sticker (!) that said _Très__ Bien_. Madame Slack told me that she was thrilled that I knew about the negative fandango. I flashed my biggest grin at Jas, and mouthed "Thanks!"

Typico. She just glared at me! She started scribbling on a piece of paper, and then threw it at me. Oooh. A note from Spazzy. She must be apologising. I opened it up:

_Georgia,_

_Stop being so bloody immature and unfeeling. Ellen's in pieces. How can you do that to a mate? You know the Ace Gang rule: You don't date your friends' exes. Also, how could you get the credit for me listening in class when you didn't? You're unbelievable._

_Jas_

Charming. I sent one back:

_Jas,_

_I am not being immature and unfeeling. And besides, I dated DTL first, so really Ellen broke the rule before me._

_And Jas? You're just jealous that I got a sticker and you didn't. You are such a botty kisser!_

_Gee_

And another note:

_Shut up!_

Haha. She _is _jealous. Oh well, she'll get over it. I am, after all, her bestest pally.

**RE**

**3.00**

Doing my makeup in case a certain laugh comes to get me after school. Lucky Foxwood. They finish at 3.30 instead of 4.

**3.30**

Oh. I've finished my makeup early! I may have to listen to what Miss Wilson is saying. Jeez. She's rambling on about the Ten Commandments or some utter WUBBISH.

Huh. I may have to have some beauty sleep. Zzzz.

**4.00**

"Gee!"

"Gee, wake up!"

"So immature!"

That last one was from Voley.

Oh my giddy God. I really did go to Boboland.

"I didn't smudge my makeup, did I?"

"No…" Rosie smirked, and pulled me up. "Come on then, Gee."

I walked out of the building with Rosie, Mabs and Jools. Ellen was with Jas somewhere else.

**School gates**

Oh my giddy God. Dave the Laugh is there with Rollo and Sven. I wanted to run really fast down the hill towards him, but restrained myself, and walked slowly, casually chatting to Ro-Ro, Jools and Mabs, exuding sophistosity.

Finally reached The Lads.

"Hey Dave," I said.

"Hey KittyKat. Did you know you have some dried drool on your makeup? Did you fall asleep in class?" he was wearing a smirk similar to Ro-Ro's. Oooooh. That dreadful girl! She knew, but she didn't say any thing!!!!!!!!

"Rosie." I said menacingly, turning to face her.

"Run!" she said, and she, Jools, and Mabs ran, followed by Sven and Rollo.

"That evil girl. She saw, but she didn't say!"

"Hey, KittyKat. Calm down. It's cool. Rollo did that to me the other week. Fell asleep in RE."

"Ahahahaha. You mean, Rollo didn't tell you that your drool ruined your makeup? Is there something I should know about? You on the turn, Dave?"

Dave biffed me over the head with his school bag. "Course not Gee. And I wasn't wearing makeup!"

"Well why did you say that you were then?" I asked, and gave him a _very _cheeky smile.

"I didn't. Anyway, you've still got dried drool all over your face, and I'm not snogging you until you get it off!"

I rubbed at it until I realised my makeup was coming off with it. Blimey O'Reilley's trousers! I probably look like a chav with cheap makeup now. Damn.

"KittyKat, your makeup is completely smudged! You'd better wash it off now."

"Noooooo. I spent half and hour doing that in RE before I fell asleep."

"Do you want to look like a chav?"

"Nooooo."

"Well come here then." And then Dave got his water bottle out of his bag, and tipped it onto my face and was washing my face like I was a little kid. Great. My boyfriend is acting like my Dad."

"Dave you're acting like my vati."

"Has your vati ever washed your face?"

"Nooooo."

"Well then. I'm obviously not acting like your vati if he's never done this."

Good point well made.

"There you go Gee."

Great. I have a dripping wet (and probably red too) face in front of my boyfriend and other passers-by in the street. Great.

"Dave, I look like a prat without makeup."

"No you don't. You look like… like a… red faced loon! Which you are!" and then he ran off down the street. Naturally I followed him. I can easily catch Dave the Laugh.

**3 minutes later**

Obviously I can't. Great. I don't even know where he is. Oh well, I'll just walk home.

**At my gate**

"Gotcha!"

Oh my God! I'm having a heart attack! I'm being raped!!!!!!!!!! What self defence can I remember from when I was at Taekwon-Do years ago (I quit, by the way, because it was too much effort. And besides, I was crap). That's it. A good kick in the knees should do it.

"Owwwwwww! KittyKat! What the hell did you do that for?!"

Oops. Dave.

"Sorry. I didn't know it was you – I thought I was being raped! I'm so sorry. Actually, on second thoughts, you did deserve it a bit."

"I'm going to ignore that last sentence and accept your apology." And then he snogged the face off me. Not literally, you fules, because that would be just gross. Actually, I don't think you actually _can _literally snog the face off someone. I'll have to _Ecocho _it. (Ecocho is like Google, only Ecocho plants trees in exchange for searches – Jas made me start using it) Anyway, what I mean is that Dave the Laugh gave me a REALLY big snog. If you see what I mean and I think you do.

**Half an hour and 6 and ¼ later**

"Gingey snoggling! Joshy, looky! Gingey snoggling! Mummy, Daddy, look, gingey snoggling boy!"

Joy. My little sister is telling the world about me snogging Dave at the gate. And even more fantastically, she's learned some new techniques to use on Josh. Poor little mite.

Anywho, I pulled away from Dave the Laugh, and grabbed his hand.

"Come on. You can be exposed to my family of loons so that you can decide if you really do want to go out with me."

"Sure thing, KittyKat."

"Mutti! Vati! Your darling daughter is back from her day at _l'ecole_."

I walked through to the lounge room to find Mutti and Vati number-8ing on the couch.

"Erlack. We have company here!"

Mutti and Vati broke away. Mutti readjusted her nungas before looking at me.

"Who's this, Gee?" Mutti asked, doing sticky-eyes (!) at Dave. It seemed to work, because he seemed sort of hypnotised.

"Um, hello, Mrs Nicolson, I'm Dave," he muttered, going red.

"Oh, call me Connie!" and she fluttered her eyelashes at him!

"Mutti, could you please stop trying to get off with my boyfriend?! It's disgusting, and besides, you're married! To a guy with a badger on his chin, but still! And Dave, don't you dare number-6 my mutti."

"Davey!" Josh and Libs were in the doorway watching everyone. It was Josh who spoke.

"Hello Joshy! I didn't know you were Georgia's Libby's boyfriend!"

**Author's note: So how does Dave know Josh? Any ideas? Tell me what you think in your reviews (and I know you will review - you can't resist it!)**

**Love you all in a non-lezzie way.**

**Tatty Bye**

**Lottie**

**xx**


	3. That's a good point, KittyKat

**_A/N: Hello, hello everybody. I'm so sorry this took so long to upload. I was banned off the computer for a week, because I left my maths assignment until the last minute, and Mum had to stay up until about 3AM helping me. It's quite sad, I know, being banned from the computer. And then I've just been really busy with assignments and such (Who knew year 10 was so busy?). Also, and I'm vair, vair sorry, but in the free time I have had, I've been reading FanFic, and not writing! So, so sorry! But it IS where I get my inspiration from. Also, I've noticed that in my past chapters, I've used sayings and such that aren't used until later books, cos I've read them all, but I thought the Werewolf party would be a good place to start my story from. I mean, Dave hasn't started calling himself Jack The Biscuit until, um, is it Startled By His Furry Shorts? Or Luuurve Is A Many Trousered Thing? Anyway, I'm sure most of my readers have read them all so there won't be any confusiosity in that area._**

**_Enjoy!_**

**My room**

**8.15**

Well it _is _a small world. Apparently Josh is Dave's uncle!

Yes, uncle, would you believe?

Well, half, I guess.

His dad's dad got remarried and had Josh.

Apparently, Dave's dad is a very boring person and so is his grandad.

Anna, Josh's mum, doesn't really approve of the songs Bibsy teaches Josh, but Dave reckons that Libby is a genius.

Hmm. I'm not sure about that, I think it is more inappropriate, but that's Dave for you.

I took Dave away from the Swiss Family Mad, and he told me he lives with his Mum, who is a hippy and a comedian, and big sister in a happy hippy house a couple of streets away.

Dave says that he gets his inspiration (sort of) from his Mum.

Awwww.

But he's not a hippy, he says.

She's a stand up comedian who tells jokes about her family (I wonder what she says about Dave), sex (oo-er!) and other random things.

Apparently, she is also a fortune teller (brillopads!) using runes, tarot cards and crystal balls.

She's also a yoga teacher.

His big sister isn't home very much, cos she's at uni doing a Bachelor of Arts.

She's studying Froggie and German (What's wrong with the girl) and wants to be a translator.

Dave is taking me to meet his mum tomorrow after school.

I will never get to sleep now, I have too much info on Dave's family in my head.

He comes from such an interesting family, and…

**8.20**

**On way to Stalag 14**

Jazzy must still have the hump with me, as she hasn't waited for me at her gate. Oh well, she'll get over it.

Pant, pant, pant. Run, run, run.

"Georgia Nicolson! Stop running!" Hawkeye snapped as I loped into the gates.

"Just cos you can't run anymore," I said, but I said it quietly so that she couldn't hear.

**Assembly**

Ellen dithered over and sat next to me. What? Has she gotten over the fact that I am now Dave the Laugh's official snogging partner quicker than Jas has?

"Erm, I wanted to erm, say that, I am, sorry, or something?" Ellen dithered.

Apparently so!

"That's okay, Ellen. I forgive you." God, aren't I such a lovely and forgiving person? It must be a gift Our Lord Sandra has blessed me with.

Jas harrumphed. Well, up yours, Jas.

**End of **_**l'ecole**_

**4.00pm**

Okay, makeup: Check, bouncy hair: check. Skirt rolled over: check. Okay, all ready to go.

The Ace Gang minus Jas and me were walking down the hill, maturiosity personified, and we were all doing flicky hair and hip wiggling, like it says in that book of mine (well, Mum's), _How To Make Any Twit Fall In Love With You_.

The lads were waiting at the gates.

Dave looked VERY gorgey. Rollo looked laid back, Sven looked mad, and Tom looked voley, and Dec and Edward were just… well, Dec and Edward!

Jas had already reached Tom (she ran top-speed down the hill, she really has no pridenosity!), and was walking off with him.

Dave grinned a really big grin when he saw me. "Hey, KittyKat. Ready to go?"

And we walked off ahead of the others.

It has to be said, Ellen did look a bit miz, and I felt a bit bad, but she would never have worked out with Dave, anyway.

She isn't a big enough laugh for Dave the Laugh.

It was really nice just walking along with Dave the Laugh, just being proper, official snogging partners and having the particular horn.

"Okay, here we are, KittyKat," Dave said when we were outside a white house with fairy lights all around it, and the Ommm symbol painted on it.

There were lots of jam-jar lanterns all around, but they weren't lit.

When I looked past the brambles, I saw a beautiful woman with long black hair flowing loose way past her shoulders sitting in the lotus position on a purple yoga mat.

She was wearing tie-dyed yoga pants and a loose, white cotton top with beads on it.

Typico hippy attire.

It actually looks pretty cool… maybe I could go hippy?

"Gee, are you on the turn?"

"What?! No, why?"

"It just so happens that you are eyeing up my mum."

"I am not! I'm just… looking at the surroundings. Your mum is very pretty, though."

"Gee! You _are _on the turn! Erlack! My girlfriend rates my mum!"

To prove to him that I am most definitely _not _on the turn, I snogged him within an inch of his life.

He actually got a bit breathless.

Tee-hee.

I am most definitely the snogging queen of Billy Shakespeare Land.

And possibly the world, too.

"All right, Gee. You didn't need to do that – my mum is over there!"

"It was your fault for suggesting that I'm on the turn!"

Dave ignored me and did linksies-upsies and walked towards his mutti.

"Mutti!"

"Yes, Dave? What is it?" She had her eyes closed.

"Erm, do you want to meet Gee?"

Dave's mutti opened her eyes, and smiled.

"Hello Georgia. I'm Lily, Dave's Mum. I've heard and seen a lot about you."

"Seen?"

"In the tarot cards. And the stars. Oh, and when I did foot-reading."

Oh… she's obviously a bit la-la.

"No, I'm not a bit la-la, merely psychic. But that's okay, I get that reaction every time."

Oh my giddy God. She read my mind! Argh!

"Dave!" I hissed. "She read my mind!"

"No, she didn't KittyKat. She says that to everyone. Everyone automatically assumes she's in la-la land." He said, and then he lowered his voice, and said, "But they're right!"

I suppressed a giggle, and Dave's mum said, "I heard that," but she didn't get cross: she smiled, and said, "Georgia, I don't suppose you'd like to have a foot reading? Free of charge, of course, as you are my darling little Davey's girlfriend." Dave went vair red, and looked down. Hm, should I get my tootsies read?

_Non._ I am way too sane to go down that path.

**10 minutes later**

**In Lily's treatment room, getting my tootsies read**

She's rubbing this nice smelling oily stuff on my footsies and is looking at them all serious. I seriously feel like giggling. But I won't. Because that is rude, and you know it.

**30 seconds later**

Dave has decided he would be much better off on the treatment bed next to me – oo-er! – than on a chair next to his mutti.

Am feeling vair vair squashed.

**30 minutes later**

Turns out I need to be less superficial and not be so obsessed with appearance.

And also accept family members for the loving (not!) people that they are.

She is talking utter bollocks.

But I didn't say so.

Dave has decided that I have spent enough time doing dippy hippy stuff with his mutti, and has taken me up to his room.

Oo-er!

**In Dave's room**

Dave's room is actually pretty coolio.

In fact, it is vair, vair cool with knobs on.

Instead of a bed, he has a hammock!

How coolio is that?

In case you do not have a cool-sensor, it is coolio and brillopads beyond belief!

"Wowzee wow, Dave, you have a hammock for a bed! That is _très_coolio."

And I went over and lay down in it.

"Oi, you cheeky minx. That just happens to be my bed, KittyKat."

"Oo-er!"

"Gee, you have such a rudey-dudey mind it is unbelievable!"

"B-a-in-it-l-k-!" I stuttered with the… the _injustice _of it all. I finally managed a "Says you!"

To which Dave replied, "Yes, says me. Now scooty-scoot over, KittyKat. I would like to fit on my own bed, _if _you don't mind."

I said "It's a hammock."

Dave looked at me, grinned, and said, "That's a good point, KittyKat." And he lay down beside me.

"Oo-er!"

"Gosh, KittyKat. I would be a gajillionaire if I had a penny every time you say 'oo-er'. You must associate everything with It."

How dare he?! He is much more rudey-dudey than _moi._

"Dave, you are much more rudey-dudey than _moi_."

"Yes, but you are a girl." Dave said as if it explained everything. It doesn't.

"What's that got to do with anything, Mr. Laugh?"

"It goes with the Y chromosome to think rudey-dudey thoughts, Gee."

"How do you know about that X and Y thingo Dave? Have you been listening in school?"

"No, KittyKat, I've been forced to listen to Tom ramble on about biology and such. Not my fault. Besides, I have been banned from all of the science classes. Apparently I am too immature."

"You _definitely _got that right, Mr. Laugh."

"Hey! Are you insinuating that I am _immature_?" Dave asked, looking mock-shocked.

"_Oui_."

"Well, then that deserves a stern telling off, then," Dave said, and then leaned over (oo-er!) and snogged me. I may insinuate more things if that is my punishment. Haha.

**Half an hour later**

Still snogging Dave. It must never be said that Dave can't snog. He is most likely the world champion at snoggling (Oh God, I've started talking like Bibsy!).

He's even better than Robbie was (was? He's not dead. Or maybe he was eaten by Wilma the wombat? Get out of my head, ex-Sex God, you are last month's snog! I have a gorgey Laugh as a boyfriend, so BUGGER OFF!).

While I was snogging Dave, I moved slightly, and that's when the hammock turned upside down and we both fell off.

It hurt.

Dave got a soft landing, because he landed on top of me (oo-er!), and my nungas broke his fall.

And please, dear readers, there was NOTHING rudey-dudey in Dave landing on my nungas, because the hammock tipped up.

Before we managed to get up, the door opened, and Dave's mutti was there.

"Oh…" She said with a knowing (!) look in her eyes, "I heard the bang, and, well, I think you two and I need to talk."

**_A/N: I hope you like Dave's mum. She's kind of based on a few people I know (some in my family), and she IS quite funny, but you haven't seen her humourful side yet, have you, only her dippy-hippy side. I actually have an auntie who is a stand up comedian, and she has whole shows on her family, sex, and one was about Libra pads (!). She's a hippy, and does astrology, tarot cards, and I think she does crystal ball readings as well, but I can't be sure. She really IS very very funny. And with the foot reading fandango, I had one yesterday, which actually was spot on! Freaky-deaky. But it is actually quite coolio. The yoga-teaching part I got from my mum, who is actually a yoga teacher. But she doesn't teach. Hmp. But she does pay for me to go to classes, which I am enjoying vair, vair much. _**

**_And I'm sorry it's so short, I had HUGE writers block._**

**_Oh, and the hammock bit, I didn't give Dave a hammock for the falling off fandango, I just want a hammock as a bed for myself! They are tres, tres coolio. Also, while I was writing, the Dave's mum coming in I didn't plan either, it just happened. Ditto dalling off it. LOL._**

**_Anyway, please review, reviews inspire me._**

**_Tatty, bye!_**

**_Lottie_**

**_x_**


	4. Redder Than Mars

**_A/N: LOL. Well, Dave's mutti walked into an awkward situation, didn't she? Haha. Well, I hope you enjoy this chappie. I was laughing like a loon writing this, but I don't know if you'll find it funny. Well, I guess you'll find out when you read it. Haha. This particular aspect of Dave's mutti is not strictly based on anyone, but other aspects of her are. _**

**_Oh, and while I'm here writing this authors note, I'd like to thank my bestest buddy Fern, aka Squirm, who although lives on the other side of the world, still gives great conversation (on msn), and has faithfully read my fanfiction. Even though her favourite boy is the marsupial lover. Hmp. Oh, and thanks to Fast Ash, who has read my fanfic faithfully also, and put up with me discussing it at school. And Princess-Moi, for reading it cos I asked her to even though she's never read the Confessions Of Georgia Nicolson. And last but not least, Hornmeister Lover who has provided me with stimulating rambling and fanfic discussion, and who is lovely enough to mention me in her fanfic authors notes, so I thought I'd just mention her. Fangs so much to all of my lurvely reviewers and readers, and extra-special thanks to those of you at school who put up with me talking about Gee Nicks and fanfic all day long._**

**_Enjoy!_**

**On the floor with Dave on top of me (oo-er) with his mutti standing at the door.**

"Come on, you two. Come with me to my room," Dave's mutti said to us, and waited for us to stand.

Dave and I were both vair red, but I still had an uncontrollable urge to giggle.

I couldn't stop myself, and although Dave looked mortified, he started laughing too, so we were both having a huge laughing spaz while Dave's mum looked on with an interested look on her face.

When we'd both stopped laughing, we followed Dave's mutti into her room.

Oooh.

She has such a brillopads room!

It's painted purple, and has a gold ommm symbol on her wall.

She has lots of fairy lights and a four-poster bed.

She had purple Indian-sari-material sheets.

She sat down onto her bed and motioned for Dave and I to sit down next to her.

We did, trying desperately to prevent another laughing spaz.

"Dave, Georgia… now, basically, I don't care if you have sex. To me, you two are responsible young people who have the horn for each other, and you're obviously in love, so I'm cool with it. But I DO care if you get Georgia pregnant, Dave, or one of you gets a sexually transmitted disease."

Lily looked sort of… um… sad?... no, not sad, just like she was remembering things.

She then looked at Dave and said, "My little Davey boy, all grown up and going out with girls. I remember when you thought girls were yucky, and you wouldn't touch them with a barge pole, and now…" Lily stood up and went rummaging through her drawers (oo-er!).

I looked at Dave.

He was redder than I'd ever seen anyone.

Or anything.

Perhaps he's even redder than a beetroot.

Or, erm, I don't know, the reddest thing ever.

Redder than Mars.

Not the bars, you fules.

The planet, does it ring any bells?

It was vair, vair embarrassing.

I mean, Dave and I weren't going to do It.

Not at all.

And we probably won't for a vair long time, and by that I mean a few years.

Neither of us had managed to speak, it was that mortifying.

I raised my eyebrows at Dave.

He raised his higher.

I raised mine higher.

He raised his higher.

We kept doing the eyebrow game for 10 seconds more, until we had a huge laughing spaz.

And then guess what happened.

I ended up attached to his mouth.

With his mutti in the room.

While she was giving us a sex talk.

But do you know what?

I didn't care.

At all.

"Okay, here they are, so do you want me to…"

Dave's mutti had just found whatever she was looking for and seen us, apparently.

"God, you two, do you think you could do it" – oo-er – "elsewhere?"

Dave and me pulled away, and we looked down like two naughty kids in our first year of primary school.

"Anyway," Dave's mum continued, "I have these for you so you can practice safe sex."

And she was holding up a packet of Durex.

Argh!

Oh my giddy God.

Durex, a boy balloon.

Dave finally seemed able to speak, because he said, "Erm, Mutti? Gee and I just fell off the hammock. We weren't going to do It. Honestly."

"Hmm. Sure you weren't. You can't keep yourselves off each other, from what I can see."

"No, we weren't. 'Sides, it would be hard to do It in a hammock anyway."

"Well, if you like I could get you a bed for It? Double, of course."

Did she just say what I think she said?

Oh God.

Oh Goddy God God.

"No, Mutti, I like the hammock. Gee and I don't really want to do It until we're MUCH older." Dave said.

I decided I should say something.

I mean it was hardly fair on Dave, was it, for him to do all the talking.

"That's right. We're only fifteen. It's not even legal yet."

Dave's mutti looked disappointed (!?), and sighed. "Well, all right then, but your sister did It at fifteen, and I did It at fourteen."

Further proof that all the adults in this world are sex obsessed. She'd get on well with my mutti.

"Lily, you'd get on well with my mutti."

"Would I?"

"Yes you should meet her."

"That would be cool. Anyway, you two, I would be grateful if you took the Durex anyway, just as a precaution. I must be off, as I have a show to prepare for. Tatty, bye!"

Lily left, leaving me and Dave just looking at each other.

Then Dave started laughing.

You know how it is when someone else is laughing, and it's kind of infectious?

Well, that's what happened to me.

I started laughing.

Well, it was pretty funny.

After we'd finished with our laughing spaz, I looked at Dave, and he looked at me.

And then we both looked at the Durex packet and had another laughing spaz.

"KittyKat, we can have heaps of fun with this," Dave said, and held up the packet.

"What?!"

"Calm down, KittyKat. I didn't mean that. I meant that a Durex has big comedy value. Anyway, let's go, Gee, before my mutti remembers something else that she feels she needs to share with us."

Dave stood up and grabbed my hand, but not before putting the box into his pocket.

I wonder what he means?

Big comedy value?

When we were outside, I said to Dave, "That is proof that all the adults in the world are sex obsessed."

"Especially my mutti. She thinks it's a blessing. She was thrilled when my sister first did It."

"My mutti goes to clubs where men take their clothes off. And she and my vati never stop the parental porn."

"Gosh Gee. You really ARE priceless. I don't think Ellen or Rachel would've coped with that."

"True. Ellen would've dithered for the next millennia saying that she didn't want to do It. Apart from being sex obsessed, your mutti really is quite cool. She's cooler than my mutti, who thinks that Vati farting _God Save The Queen _is funny. You must take me to one of her shows sometime."

"I could do that, KittyKat. Anyway, the Barmy Army and the Ace Gang are having a get-together at the park later, according to Rollo."

"Why didn't they tell me? Who organised it?"

"Jas and Tom."

"Should've know. But why didn't the others tell me?"

"I know for a fact that only Jas knew until after school."

"The bloody vole."

**At the park**

The Ace Gang and the Barmy Army were all under a tree.

Amazingly they weren't snogging.

Crikey.

"None other than the Laugh and the KittyKat are here. Please no photos. And, no, we are NOT answering questions on our relationship. Thankyou."

Hahaha.

Dave never fails to make me larf.

Ever.

And I mean it.

Honest.

Rollo yelled over "Hey, Biscuit Boy, I have some news!"

"What about?"

"You two!"

What?!

**_A/N: I hope the discussion with Dave's mutti wasn't too rudey-dudey for you. Lol. If I was Dave and Georgia I would have been so embarrassed. Lol._**

**_I think this may be my shortest chapter yet, and I'm really annoyed about that, but I had to put something up, so here you go. Also, I'm writing another fanfic aswell as this, it's set after SITNOP, and it's Dave's POV. And all of you people who said you luuuurved Dave's mutti, well she's still his mutti in this other story too, and you'll see quite a lot of her as it is in Dave's POV. It isn't up yet, but I'll tell you all on this story when it is._**

**_Non-lezzie luuuuuuuuuuurve coming your way,_**

**_Earth Kid Tree Hugger_**

**_aka Lottie_**

**_x_**

**_Ps. I am so proud of myself: yesterday I walked about 2 kilometres along the beach and back! Oh yeah, I'm so so so proud. I may be quite slow with reviews, as year 10 is very busy, but I'm not quitting. No way. Anyway, R&R please, I luuurve getting reviews!_**


	5. LOL

**A/N: I was reading my fanfic just to check it was ok, and I noticed I said I am quite slow with reviews. I meant updates, so sorry. Lol.**

**I actually work FASTER with reviews. Ta.**

**Lottie **

**x**


	6. Alert to Dave's story, please read

**Hello my luuurvely Fangs For The Snog readers. Just letting you all know that the first chapter of my other story (Dave's POV) is up now! It's vair vair short, and I'm sorry, but I found a good place to end it. And don't worry, his mutti is still the crazy Lily, but you see heaps more of her.**

**Horns out!**

**Lottie **

**x**


	7. Is your bumoley alright, Gee?

_**Author's note: I am updating my disclaimer, so, here goes: I do not own any of the characters in this Fanfiction except for Dave the Laugh's mother Lily, but the rest are entirely Louise Rennison. I Also own the plot.**_

**_Well, Bonjour my lurvely readers! I had a detention today. Shock, horror! Well, for me it is. It was for wearing "excessively short" shorts at Reflection Day at school yesterday. There were heaps of us. Our punishment was writing out the school uniform code. I had a hand cramp from writing all lunch time. :P_**

**_Well, who is the queen of Wii Bowling? Moi, that is who. I have smashed everybody else's records on Wii Bowling. I got 2 spares and the rest were strikes! Oh yeah, I really AM the Bowling Queen!_**

**_Oh, before I forget, I must say that at some point in this chappter, you get Dave's POV. This won't be regular (as far as I know, it may well be in the future, as usual, I will be the last to know!), but it was necessary. If you want a Dave story, look for And By Girl I Mean Masimo Scarlotti. But it's a different story line._**

**_I hope you likey-like this chapter very muchly._**

**_Much non-lezzie lurve coming your way,_**

**_Horns out!_**

**_Lottie_**

**_x_**

_Rollo yelled over "Hey, Biscuit Boy, I have some news!"_

"_What about?"_

"_You two!"_

_What?!_

"What news?"

"Well, it looks like you can fit on Gee's nungas Dave. Is your bum-oley alright, Gee?"

Oh giddy God's pyjamas.

They know.

How?

Best thing is to play dumb.

"What are you talking about Rollo?"

"Yeah, Rollo, what are you talking about?"

Rollo grinned. "I'm talking about the fact that you and _KittyKat _were snogging on your hammock and then Gee moved a bit, you both fell off, and you landed on Georgia's nungas."

Rollo and the others had a laughing spaz, and then Rollo said, "The best bit was when your mutti caught you and said you needed to talk."

And then for the next century, the Ace Gang and the Barmy Army had the biggest laughing spaz known to humanity.

Dave took the bull by the whatsit, and said, "Rollo, how the hell do you know all of this?"

Rollo said, between laughs, "Well, I knew that after you and Gee got together that you'd take her to meet your mutti soon, so when I came over yesterday, I hid a video camera in your room, with the footage reaching me on my phone whenever I fancied a look. You have some very, er, _interesting _boxers Dave. And seeing you and Gee snog, well, that was gold."

"Rollo, you are the deadest thing EVER. And I can't believe you saw me in the nuddy pants! Erlack! You're on the turn, aren't you Rollo. Jools, keep him straight with your excellent snogging, please. And Rollo, where the hell did you hide that camera? It must be removed. Immediately."

"Fine fine, I'll come around later to collect it, because I know if I don't you'll find it and destroy it, and video cameras are expensive."

Jools spoke up. "Just a question. How did you snog for that long without breathing?"

"Well, that's the genius, see. But we're not telling you, on account of the fact that you happily invaded my privacy."

Jools giggled. "Well, look who's being Miss Huffy Knickers then."

I gave her the finger.

What?

Don't look at me like that?

She deserved it!

**Dave's POV**

**In bed**

Oh God.

I must have revenge.

Before Rollo came over, I went home and found his video camera.

Unbe-bloody-lievable.

I was dancing around in my boxers that I customised myself (you know, when you iron on a print-off) that say _I Am So Gorgey I Would Snog Myself – I haven't because I am not on the turn!_

It didn't help that I was dancing to the theme-tune of Mrs Brown's Boys.

If Mutti really could've seen me then, she would've had a heart attack.

Or not.

It's quite hard to tell with my mutti.

OH MY GOD!

I am COMPLETELY in the nuddy pants here.

Rollo has most likely shown EVERYONE anything that is 'interesting'.

Oh God.

So that means that the Ace Gang AND the Barmy Army have seen me in the nuddy pants.

Have deleted everything.

Rollo obviously doesn't care too much about his camera as he hasn't shown up yet.

And it is eleven o'clock at night.

But what revenge can I plan for Rollo?

I have to do something big, because of what he did to me.

Or I can do lots of smaller things?

Yeah!

Then I have justification in embarrassing Rollo lots of times.

I am such a genius.

I will never sleep now. Zzzzzzzzzzz.

**Georgia's POVsc**

**Wednesday morning**

Walking up Jas' street.

And before you say ANYTHING, it is the way to school, and I'm not going along here just cos of Jas.

Amazingly, Jas is on her wall.

Oh well, I'm ignoring her.

"Gee."

I am _ignorez-vous_ing her.

"Gee, talk to me."

"Come on Gee, you know you're my best pal."

"Georgia. You are being so bloody immature."

Hahahahahaha.

I am winning the glaciosity game.

Up yours, Jas.

**School gates**

Blimey.

Jas has not shut up since her gate.

She must want something.

But what?

Ohhhh, I know!

She wants to know what Dave's mutti said.

Well, I'm not gonna tell her.

"Georgia, what did Dave's mutti say to you two?"

Hahahaha, I am _le _genious.

I should take up a job as Mystic Meg.

I'd be good at it.

I'll ask Dave's mutti how I can do that.

I bet she'll know, being Mystic Meg-ish and all.

**Assembly**

Jas is still trying to talk to me.

It is vair, vair irritating, I'll tell you that.

"Georgia."

No, that wasn't Jas.

It was Rosie.

"Yeah?"

"What did Dave's mutti say?"

"Ro-Ro, I'll tell you and the Ace Gang later, when Jas isn't around."

"Thanks a lot, Georgia."

That last one was Spazzy.

I, of course, being so full of glaciosity, _ignorez-vous_ed her.

Hahahahaha.

Again, up yours, Jas!

**Latin**

Jas isn't in this class, because she was being such a swotty-knickers, that she got put into a gifted-and-talented Latin class.

_Was ist der _point?

Latin is such a dead language.

No-one speaks it anymore.

So why have they got a gifted-and-talented Latin class?

I ask you, why?

And _pourquoi _?

And, as our dead Latin-speaking Roman friends would have said if they were alive, which, by the way, they are not, _quare_?

Jools leaned across Ro-Ro. "Georgia."

I looked at her in my "dignity-at-all-times-even-when-you-were-videoed-snogging" way, and said, "Oui?"

"What did Dave's mutti want to discuss with you? Was it The Talk?"

And even though because Jools is Rollo's partner-in-crime, I told them the whole thing.

Mabs said, "Blimey, Georgia, you must really luuuuuurve Dave the Laugh."

Rosie looked smug. "Yes, that is what my Viking senses have been telling me for ages."

"Er, yes… you must really… er love Dave?... and he must, um, be in erm, love with you… or… erm, something?" dithered Ellen.

Poor Ellen.

She never really did get over Dave the Laugh.

We'll have to find her a boyfriend for her and just her.

No-one else.

"Georgia! Earth to KittyKat!" Jools said.

"Jools! Don't you DARE call me KittyKat. Don't you dare!"

"Is only your Davey-boy allowed to call you that?" she smirked.

Ohhhhh, she must die, she must!

Well, not literally, as she is one of my bestest pallies, but you know what I mean.

"Georgia?"

"What, Jools?"

"For the hundredth time, are you in luuuuuuuuuuuurve with Dave?"

Why do they go and ask me that?

"Why do you ask me that, Jools?"

"Cos we want confirmation that you do. And even if you say no, we know that you luuuurve him!"

Am in luuurve with Dave?

I don't think so.

I think I just REALLY like him.

But no matter what I say, they won't believe me.

Dodge the question, that's the best way out.

"Jools, what number are you up to with Rollo?"

She blushed and went red.

She hasn't gotten to number 10 already, has she?

"Well," she said, fidgeting, "the other night, I was at his house for the evening," – I said "oo-er" at this bit – "and we were in his room, bed-snogging, and got to number 8."

We were agog as two gogs.

Well, four actually, as there were four of us.

Not counting Jools, she made up five of us.

I said "Oo-er Jools!"

And Mabs said "What did it feel like?"

"Um, yeah, was it erm, nice, or you know… not…?" Ellen dithered.

Jools went even redder, possibly as red as Dave was the other evening.

Ahaha.

I can't believe Dave's mutti gave us a packet of Durex.

I didn't tell the gang about that bit.

I wonder what Dave plans to do with them.

What did he mean, "excellent comedy value"?

"It was, erm, really, um, nice." Jools said.

Mabs said "Wow, you sounded like Ellen just then."

"What do you erm, mean? What did you mean… er sounding like, erm, me? I have a much erm, higher voice than, erm, Jools… Or don't I or something?"

Sometimes, with Ellen, ignoring is the best policy.

**_Author's note: So, did you like it? Let me know in a review. :) I always reply to reviews, because I luuuuuuurve getting them so very much! If I don't reply to a review, it's not cos I didn't lurve your review or didn't appreciate it, it's only cos I wasn't given much time on the computer, and had to check emails super fast, and turn it off, and then later on forget which ones I have replied to. _**

**_I meant to leave this on a cliffy, but I REALLY wanted to put something up, so I thought I'd leave as it was. Next chapter will be up ASAP._**

**_non-lezzie luuuuuuuuuurve,_**

**_Horn's out!_**

**_Lottie_**

**_x_**

**_ps. Did I say how much I luuuuuuurve all of my reviewers and subscribers?_**

**_Well, I luuuuuuurve you guys a lot!_**


	8. It's Your Fringy Nature

**_A/N: Okay, I'm sorry it took so long, was staying with my uncle while Mum was in Sydney doing some medical course thing. So sorry for the delay. And sorry about the shortness, I planned to make it longer, but found a good ending place._**

**_Oh my Lord Sandra. My school is quite flooded. But it's still open tomorrow. It says on a letter we were given that they advise us to stay home if possible, but school is open if it isn't. Possible that is. But guess what. I don't get a day off as Mum has decided that she wants me in school. SO UNFAIR! Am quite hacked off about this. Anyways, I'll let yo enjoy (hopefully) this chapter._**

**_Pants away!_**

**_Lottie_**

**_x_**

"_It was, erm, really, um, nice." Jools said._

_Mabs said "Wow, you sounded like Ellen just then."_

"_What do you erm, mean? What did you mean… er sounding like, erm, me? I have a much erm, higher voice than, erm, Jools… Or don't I or something?"_

_Sometimes, with Ellen, ignoring is the best policy._

**After school at the gates**

The lads are nowhere to be seen.

Oh well, we can live without them.

Except for Jas, who no-one is speaking to currently as she is an annoying vole.

Her only social life now is with Mr. Vole.

I feel quite sorry for her actually.

Buddha should like this, as it's compassion.

"Georgia?"

And because I want Buddha to know what a kind, compassionate and forgiving person, I say "Yes, Jas?"

"Gee, I'm really sorry for being so nasty to you. It's obvious you are in love with Dave!"

What is it with everybody saying I lurve DTL so much today.

Because I don't.

I just like him A LOT.

Or do I?

It's possible that I lurve him but I don't know it.

"Gee?"

Oh, I'd forgotten that Jazzy said sorry.

"That's okay, Jazzy, I know you can't help it; it's your fringey nature."

**1 minute later**

**Limping down the road**

Hells bells that girl can kick.

Jazzy is so sensitive it is unbelievable.

I forgive her, because I'm such a good forgiving person, and she kicks me!

For Mrs Vole, a kick means a sign of good, marvy, brillopads, non-lezzie lurve-y relationship.

For the vair vair dumb, the nub and gist of this is that Jas and I are bestys again.

I don't know how good a thing that is, though, because she is an utter fringy annoyance.

**5 minutes later**

A hand appears over my eyes.

"Guess who!"

"The Mutti?"

"No, guess again."

"The cake?"

"Noooooo!"

"The non-Hornmeister?"

"No!"

"Jacqueline the biscuit?"

"KittyKat!"

"A certain Laughy man who didn't show after school and made me talk to Spazzy?"

"You're very angry at me today, aren't you KittyKat."

"Dave! Just get your bloody hands off my eyes!"

"You must guess who I am first."

"I just did."

"No, you didn't. I will not be removing my bloody hands – which are bloody because of a nose bleed I had earlier – until you guess who I am."

Ewwwww.

They don't really have blood on them, do they?

They best not.

"Dave!"

"The?"

"Dave the Laugh!"

"And?"

"The Vati."

"And?"

"The biscuit."

"You missed out the first part."

"Jacquel –"

"Georgia. I am not a girl."

"Jack the Biscuit! Can you let go now?"

"No! You missed out a name of mine."

"The Hornmeister."

He releases his hands.

"Awww, thanks KittyKat."

I spot his hands.

Ewwwwww.

They really _do _have blood on them.

Erlack.

"Dave, you have blood on your hands."

"I know. I told you, from a nose bleed."

Ew.

So basically, that red stuff on his hands came out of his nose.

Erlack.

"Dave, that is disgusting. And why weren't you and the rest of the Barmy Army at Stalag 14?"

"Georgia. I had a nose bleed. It went on for ages. Wouldn't stop. And the guys stayed behind with me."

"Aw. Dave they are so nice."

"Georgia. No, they are not nice, as it was to give me shit about my nose bleed, and you full well know that they are not nice after the video camera fandango."

"True. But you need to wash your hands," I say, and realise that that blood has been in contact with my face.

Ew.

"Ew, Dave! Now I have your nose germs on my face."

"Ah, but that is the thing about lurve. You share EVERYTHING."

What is it with everybody and lurve?

And why is Dave going on about it too?

For the last time, Sandra, I do not lurve Dave, merely like him.

So why is everyone talking about me lurving Dave today?

Cos I don't.

And, again, why is Dave talking about lurve?

I'll ask him.

"Dave, why did you say lurve?"

**_A/N: Oooooooooooh! OMG! ARGH! Review this please; your review may be the inspiration to a longer chapter to you guys faster! Oh, and updates may take longer as I'm doing 2 fanfics atm, and some of my own stories. _**

**_So, enjoy life,_**

**_and..._**

**_HORNS OUT!_**

**_Lottie_**

**_x_**


	9. PANTS!

_**A/N: Hey guys, I've just started a new story (Don't worry, I'll keep going with Fangs For The Snog and And By Girl I Mean Masimo Scarlotti), it's called PANTS and Prejudice, and the Ace Gang and the Barmy Army find themselves in Jane Austen's story Pride and Prejudice. Should be a larf. Please read it and review!**_

_**Horns out!**_

_**Lottie **_

_**x**_


	10. Thinking Emo Thoughts

_**A/N: This chapter has Dave's POV again. Is necessary for story. This chapter doesn't really have any laughs, it's full of aggers. But read it anyway pwease, even though it isn't funny. This is a longer chapter - thank Sandra - so I hope it makes up for the last vair short one. **_

**_Well, what do you know? The rain stopped and so everyone had to go to school. I was (still am) vair sick so I stayed home. I'm at home today as well, as I'm sick. _**

**_I have a vair sore throat and runny nose - ew, I know - and I feel a bit sick. But you guys don't need to know that, all you need to know is that you have a new chapter._**

**_So, enjoy! (If you can through the aggers!)_**

**_Hooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnn!_**

_And, again, why is Dave talking about lurve?_

_I'll ask him._

"_Dave, why did you say lurve?"_

We are just looking at each other.

None of us have said anything since I asked Dave why he said lurve.

Dave looked really sad.

"Don't you love me Georgia?" Dave finally said.

I'm too shocked to say anything.

Dave the Laugh lurves me.

And not as in fancy-the-pants off someone.

And not really in the luuuurve sense, as that isn't really love.

It's love as in L-O-V-E.

But I don't lurve Dave.

Nuh-uh.

But I might.

Yeah, but I don't.

But I might.

But I don't.

Besides, you can't fall in love at 15.

Nup.

And come to think of it, Dave's mutti said we were "obviously in love."

Er, no.

But I might be.

Yeah, but I'm NOT.

Oops.

I think I just yelled that out loud, and not in my brain.

Oh crap!

And I still haven't decided yet.

Oh God.

I can't stand the look on Dave's face.

He looks so sad.

Oh God.

Definitely Dave the Un-Laugh.

"Georgia, I really did think that you loved me too."

"But Dave –"

"Save it, Georgia. I can't go out with you if that's how you feel. Bye, Georgia."

Oh God.

He's just turning away.

Don't go, Dave.

I can't say it out loud.

I can't say anything.

I just feel crushed.

And hopeless.

My throat is dry but my face is wet.

It must be raining.

Oh, Lord Sandra, I can't think straight.

I've lost my Hornmeister.

My Hornmeister?

He obviously isn't anymore.

Oh God, I've been dumped.

By a guy that loves me and all.

**5 hours later**

I haven't moved at all since Dave dumped me.

I've gone all numb.

I may end stuck here forever.

I may even grow roots and be a plant.

Georgia the plant.

I'll have to stay here forever, wallowing in my pain.

For ever and ever.

Oh, I just want to die.

If I was a plant I'd die quite quickly, we all know flowers only live for a year, then they die and a new flower grows.

But maybe I'd end up as a tree?

And trees live for hundreds of years.

I can't live that long!

I don't want to suffer for ever.

That's it, I'm moving.

Where shall I go though?

I can't go home, Mutti and Vati will go ballisticisissimus that it's so late at night.

Actually, they probably won't know how late it is.

But they'll be all nosy.

I don't want that.

So, I can't go home.

Could I go to Jazzy's place?

No, her parents will just phone mine.

Ro-Ro's?

Nah, I'm not up to Viking dances.

I'm too depressed.

Ellen won't help, she'll just dither about going "erm… or something?"

Jools' house might be a good place to go to.

But she'll just want to talk to me about it.

Ditto Mabs.

Oh Sandra.

I'm destined to live on the streets.

Well, I may as well go and find a deserted bench to live on.

**3 hours later**

All of the benches have been taken by drunk blunder boys.

And I'm certainly not sharing a home with them.

I've just been wandering around.

It's vair, vair nippy noodles.

Maybe I'll curl up in a shop doorway?

No, they're bound to have pee or vomit in them.

What shall I do?

I know what Jas would do.

She'd tell me and ask for advice and eat midget gems.

But I'm too depressed to eat, and I don't want advice.

So what would she do if she didn't?

Curl up under a tree with a vole most likely.

But she would never get herself into this situation because she knows she's in lurve with Hunky.

But maybe I should do what Jas would do, and sleep with a vole under a tree.

No, you fules, I don't mean sleep with a vole as in number-10 a vole.

I mean go to sleep.

Honestly, the word 'sleep' can't be used without people thinking rudey-dudey thoughts these days.

**Dave's POV**

Great.

Georgia doesn't love me.

Not at all.

And she shouted it at me when I asked her if she loved me.

She is honestly a cold hearted bitch.

I should have learned that after the red herring fandango.

But oh, no.

I had to go and be mates with her.

And then I had to give her a second chance.

Cos I love her.

But she doesn't love me.

I'm an idiot.

A stupid idiot.

Love.

Love is a horrible thing.

It breaks people.

That's what divorce is.

People falling out of love and cancelling their marriages.

It's basically a broken promise.

When people get married don't they make a vow?

Divorce hurts kids as well.

When my parents got divorced, my dad was horrible to me.

And I didn't do a thing.

He did.

He's a dickhead.

But how did divorce get into this?

Georgia and I were not married.

We did not have kids.

We did not promise to be in lurve for the rest of our lives.

So why am I so torn up about this?

It's awful.

Georgia is a heartless bitch.

But I love her.

A lot.

Life sucks.

I've not moved for hours and hours.

I just told Mutti that I'm sick, and I don't want to be disturbed.

I don't want to talk to her.

And I'm NOT going to school tomorrow.

Most likely Georgia would have told Radio Jas what happened and she would've told Tom.

And Tom would've told the rest of the Barmy Army.

And they'll make jokes about it at school.

I can't face that.

Mutti won't make me go to school tomorrow.

I've been every day all year cos I wanted to walk home with Gee.

What a lovesick IDIOT I am.

I may never laugh again.

I must strip myself – oo-er – of all my titles.

I am the un-Vati.

I am the non-Biscuit.

I am not a Hornmeister as I don't know a thing about it obviously.

And I am definitely the Un-Laugh.

**Tomorrow morning**

Did not get any sleep whatsoever.

Lay thinking emo thoughts all night.

Mutti's gone to do an all day yoga thing.

I think I'll go for a walk.

Mutti is always saying the outside and the open make you feel better when you're depressed.

But I don't want to feel better.

I'm punishing myself.

But Mutti will have a spaz attack if I don't get out.

**Walking into the park**

Hell it's quiet today.

Why?

Oh yeah, everyone's at school.

It's vair peaceful.

Argh!

I don't want peace.

Well, obviously I want world peace, but I don't want peace and quiet.

Do you get it?

No?

Well, deal with it.

Back to what I was saying before.

I don't want peace.

I want laughs.

But I have been stripped from laughs forever.

No-one is here.

Apart from that, everything is the same as it was before.

Except for a curled up lump at the bottom of a tree.

What is it?

I'll go have a look.

I need a distraction from –

Georgia?!

**_A/N: Eeek!_**

**_What's gonna happen? Will they make up? PLEASE PLEASE review! Did I tell you how much I LOBE reviews? I LOBE them a LOT. I just lurve signing into msn and seeing lots of emails in the part with the little envelope. It makes me happy. And even happier when they come from fanfiction. I think I may be obsessed. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter even though it's filled with aggers._**

**_HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!_**

**_Lottie_**

**_x_**


	11. Tell The Tree

_**A/N: Okay, the aggers aren't over. Y'know, it's actually surprisingly easy to write aggers, at first I didn't think I could write any. Haha. As usual I was the last to know.**_

**_Oh my God. Last night Mum took me to the opera to see La Traviata. It was SO good. I lobed it. :D It was a vair stereotypical plot line, though: Boy meets girl, they fall in love, bit of aggers, make up, girl dies. But it was still AMAZING. When I'm older and a millionaire, I'll go to heaps of operas. Cos they're marvy._**

**_Anyway, Hoooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn!_**

_**Dave POV**_

_What is it?_

_I'll go have a look._

_I need a distraction from – _

_Georgia?!_

**Georgia POV**

**1 am**

Well, I've found a tree to lie sleep under.

It's vair vair uncomfortable.

Ow bugger ow.

All of these roots sticking into me.

It huuuuurts.

I really want to have a wail and a whing, but no-one will listen to me.

I may be forced to tell the tree.

No.

Not even a depressed me will tell the tree my troubles.

Nup.

**1.39 am**

I've just told the tree my situation.

Oh God, I've gone crazy.

The tree has spoken back to me.

Argh!

Oh God.

It's saying, "Georgia, you love Dave and you've ruined things with him. For ever, it seems."

Why is it talking to me?

I better reply, cos it might attack me if I don't.

"What makes you say that I love Dave? I like him a lot, sure, but don't love."

"Georgia, you are an idiot."

"Well. That's nice."

"Hear me out. When Robbie went to Kiwi-a-gogo Land, you were sad but you went home and were on your bed of pain. But when you had a fight with Dave, you couldn't face anyone or anything. So you came here. You love Dave a lot, and now you've lost him."

The tree may have a point.

"Tree, how can I love Dave and not know it?"

"Firstly, my name is not Tree, it is Daphne. And you can love Dave and not know it, because you've never needed to know it, he's just always been there."

She does actually have a point.

She really really does.

I think – I think… I think maybe I do actually love Dave!

"Told you," Daphne sounds very smug.

Hey – I didn't say that out loud!

"I'm a tree, I can read your mind."

But I didn't say that out loud either.

But what good is loving Dave if he's dumped me.

**Tomorrow morning**

Argh, it's all bright.

Why am I not in my bed?

With Angus, Gordy, Bibsy, Pantalitzer Doll, Scuba-Diving Barbie and the rest of Libby's fwends?

Oh!

I remember.

Yesterday was HORRIBLE.

But thanks to Daphne the tree, I have come to the realisation that I am in luuurve with Dave.

"Thanks Daphne."

Hmm.

No reply.

Well, Georgia, she is a tree.

But she spoke to me last night.

"Daphe!"

No reply.

I must have dreamt that I had a conversation with a tree.

I must ask Dave's mutti if trees can actually talk or that was my sub-conscious or whatever it's called.

**10 minutes later**

The park is quite empty today.

Oh, wait, someone's coming in.

Can't see who it is or if I know them cos their head is down.

Strange person whose hair looks oddly like Dave's is heading this way.

He's looking up.

Oh my giddy God!

It IS Dave!

"Dave?" I said, and he said "Georgia?" at the same time.

"Dave, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Georgia, I could ask you the same question and more. I spent the night at home and you look as though you've slept here all night."

His eyes look so black as if he hasn't slept.

"Dave did you get any sleep last night?"

"What? Of course I did."

He is so obviously lying.

Liar, liar pants on fire!

"Dave, you are so obviously lying."

"Is it that obvious, Georgia?"

Oh God.

He's calling me Georgia.

He NEVER calls me that unless he's angry with me.

Oh yeah… he is.

I should really just take the bull by the whatsit.

"Dave, I'm sorry."

There, I've apologised.

"Georgia, don't apologise, I shouldn't have been so quick to assume that you loved me."

No, he didn't assume.

He was just perceptive.

Everyone was.

Everyone knew I was in lurve with Dave expect for me.

Oh God, he's turning away.

"Dave."

"What Georgia."

He hasn't turned back.

But at least he spoke.

"Georgia, say whatever you have to say and be done with it. I've got to get going."

"Dave. I love you."

Wow.

That was surprisingly easy to say.

He still hasn't turned around.

Still hasn't.

He still loves me, right?

Right?????!!!

**_A/N: Ah, the aggers aren't over, are they. I quite like writing aggers, but it'll always be Dave and Gee. Always._**

**_Anyway, thanks heaps to all of my lurvely reviewers, and I LOBE you all. _**

**_Review, review review!_**

**_Hoooorrrrrrrrrrrrn!_**

Oh, come on, Hornmeister, answer me.


	12. Fluff or Aggers?

_**A/N: Hello my lobely readers. Sorry, this isn't another chapter. It's an authors note to say that the next chapter may not be up for a little while. This is because of many assignments and tests I have to do, and I have to do a whole German booklet in 1 week, which usually takes 2. That's cos I have a German test next Friday, which will go towards my OP (If you don't know what an OP is, Google Queensland OP). Anyway, I have a few questions on what you guys will like for the next bit of the story. Okay, here are your options:**_

_**Dave and Gee don't make up (I'm leaning towards this one, cos I lurve the aggers), and the story ends and I write a sequel in which they do.**_

_**They make up, and everything's fluffy and boring (This option will not have a sequel)**_

_**They don't get back together (yet!) but they are mates again.**_

_**Also, I forgot about this. I (indirectly) promised you guys some larfs with the Rollo video camera revenge fandango, so would you like this in a sequel or the current story? **_

_**I have a few ideas up my sleeve for either Fangs For The Snog or And By Girl I Mean Masimo Scarlotti, but I dunno which to put it in. Which one would you like another event in? I won't say what it is, but it involved Dave's hippy mutti, Dave and Gee. Btw, D+G would have to be together or get together.**_

_**Sorry it's such a long author's not – it's practically a chapter itself!**_

_**Anyway, send me your ideas – this story is what YOU want it to be. You ARE the readers. Oh, but if I REALLY don't like what you want me to do, I won't do it cos it'd be crap.**_

_**Tatty Bye**_

_**Lottie**_

_**x**_


	13. Pair of Prize Tramps

_**A/N: Thanks to those of you who gave feedback. But more feedback would be appreciated. Okay, I did this instead of my English essay, so you'd best be grateful even though it is a filler chapter. Ish.**_

**_My little cousin had his birthday party today: a disco, and he invited girls. He's was teased heaps about it by his parents and some of our aunts and uncles. He turned 10. I was helping. Ish. _**

**_Hoooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn!_**

_He still loves me, right?_

_Right?????!!!_

_Oh, come on, Hornmeister, answer me._

"Gee, you should have realised that you loved me before; not now."

He called me Gee, that's good.

"But it's not too late, is it?"

"Yes, Georgia, it is. I think we should be mates. Not go out."

"But I love you, and you love me. Why, why, why can't we go out again?"

"Cos we get hurt less when we don't go out."

I think of all the times Dave got a girlfriend when we weren't going out.

That hurt me.

"Well… alright. But on one condition."

"KittyKat, I have all the power here, I can say whether we get back together again or not. But let's hear it."

"Neither of us is allowed to get a boyfriend."

"Well, I should hope that I wouldn't get a boyfriend anyway, as I am not on the turn. I am as straight as two straight things in straight land."

"You know what I mean. I'm not allowed a boyfriend, you're not allowed a girlfriend."

"I think that's pretty reasonable. But for starters, KittyKat, you need to get yourself cleaned up."

He's looking laughy again.

Yay!

My Laugh is back!

Oh, wait, he's not MY Laugh anymore.

I feel a bit miz now.

But hold on – he's not anyone's Laugh now.

Apart from his mum's.

Yay!

"Do I really look that bad, Dave?"

"Yes, Gee, you most definitely do. Makeup and grass streaked all over your face."

Ew.

"Come on, Gee, come to my place."

"Oo-er!"

"Haha."

Dave is helping me up.

**30 seconds later**

**Standing next to Dave**

Ah, we must look like a pair of prize tramps.

He looks like he hasn't slept for the past week, but at least he's clean.

Me, on the other hand…

Oh, speaking of hands.

Am still holding hands with Dave.

**1 minute later**

"Come on, Gee, we look like a pair of prize tramps."

He really does have a touch of the Mystic Meg.

But I guess his mutti is a bit Mystic Meg-ish, and he must inherit her gifts.

Or the Hornmeister and I have a weird brain connection fandango on account of the fact that he is my soulmate.

Well I think he is.

But he won't go out with me anymore.

Ohh, this is so annoying!

**_A/N: Well, obviously I went with the mates option, but the neither-gets-a-girlfriend/boyfriend thing was a hit of inspiration as I typed._**

**_:)_**

**_REVIEW, REVIEW, PLEAAAAAAAAAAASE!_**


	14. Blames It On The Y Chromosome

_**A/N: Bonjour groovers! I'm SO glad that you are liking my story and reading it, and I LOVE your reviews, so keep 'em coming! I have done most of my German and my English draft, so all that's left (I think) is study for chemistry and maths. So here you go, another chapter! Wow. Oh, and if anyone wants me to beta-read, I'm open to requests, have a look at my beta profile.**_

_**Oh, btw, I'm writing the authors note BEFORE writing the story for a change, so I dunno what's gonna happen.**_

_**Hoooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn!**_

* * *

_Or the Hornmeister and I have a weird brain connection fandango on account of the fact that he is my soulmate._

_Well I think he is._

_But he won't go out with me anymore._

_Ohh, this is so annoying!_

**Standing outside Dave's house**

"Dave, you're mutti isn't here is she? I don't really want to answer questions about this or anything."

"Nah, KittyKat, she isn't. She's on an reiki course. And when she comes back guess who'll be the poor soul who has to endure her practise?"

"You?" I guess wildly.

"Got it in one, KittyKat. And you can come too: if I have to endure it, you can too."

"That's the thing about luurve. You share everything." I quote him.

"Exactly. Now, you REALLY are a mess. Come on, I'll get you some clean clothes that my sister left here to borrow, and you can have a shower. I won't look. Much."

What a cheeky cat!

"Cheeky cat!"

**5 minutes later**

**Dave's bathroom**

"Alright Gee, here are the clothes," Dave is saying, and leaves.

I shut the door and inspect the clothes.

Mm, his sister has quite good taste, actually.

I start to take my clothes off when I realise Rollo – as far as I know – hasn't got his camera back, Dave does, and it may be in here to film me in my nuddy pants.

But the Hornmeister wouldn't do that, would he?

_Non._

He is too much of a gentleman.

Oh, wait for my huge laughing spaz.

He is the most rudey-dudey person I know.

He blames it on the Y chromosome, but not all boys are like that.

I know for a fact that Tom isn't.

But I HAVE always suspected Tom of girly-ness, but Jassy won't listen.

Have finally decided Dave isn't to be trusted with a video camera.

Am looking all through the bathroom.

Have found a phone with the video going just behind the toothpaste mug.

"Dave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

His voice comes from outside the door. "What have I done now?"

"Come and have a look at this!" I say and open the door.

"Oo-er, KittyKat, is that to bribe me into going out with you again? It _would _be a nice bra, if only it wasn't covered in mud…"

What on Earth is he talking about?

"Dave what on Earth are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that you wanted to bribe me into being your official horn partner again by calling me in to see you in your bra and undies."

Oh my giddy God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in my bra and undies!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can feel me going red.

This is so embarrassing.

The Laugh has seen me in my undies.

Maybe I am destined to be a prozzie.

Sandra help me.

"Cat got your tongue Gee?"

"No, but he probably has a tongue of one of the prat poodles," I say and then realise what he means.

Dave is looking at me like I am a loon.

Which I s'pose I am.

"Actually I didn't even realise that I was in my semi nuddy pants."

"So what did you want to show me? Did you think that you were in your full nuddy-pants, is that it Gee?"

He always looks so… so Laughy.

Cos he's a Laugh.

The Laugh.

"No, Dave, I thought I was wearing clothes. You are so rudey-dudey Dave, it is unbelievable. Which brings me to this." I hold out the phone.

"What's that?"

"I don't know, KittyKat. Your phone, maybe?"

"No, Dave, it is NOT my phone, it is obviously your phone, cos I don't even have a mobile. You obviously put it in here to film me showering. Thankyou so much for protecting my dignity. NOT!"

"KittyKat, this is not my phone, I didn't put it in here. Someone else did. Lets have a look at it."

I pass him the phone.

It is so obviously his.

He looks quite thoughtful, actually.

Aw, thoughtful is such a cute look on Dave.

Nawwwww.

I love him.

But he won't go out with me.

Damn.

"I think…" Dave says finally, "I think that this is Rollo's phone. I've had a look through it and there's about 3 days worth of my showers on here. Why the battery isn't dead yet I don't know. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that Rollo has tried to get even more footage of me. He's an idiot who can't think up any original and new pranks. This means war."

"What kind of war?"

"A prank war. Gee, you need to be my helper."

"Okay, lets do this," I say and start to walk out of the bathroom door.

"Er, Gee? Don't you want to have your shower first and put some clothes on? Or are you just trying desperately to win back The Biscuit with your sex-kitty looks?"

Cheeky cat.

I think my face is like a tomato right now.

"Gee, your face is scarily resembling a tomato."

God, how does that boy read my mind?

"Alright, whatever. Now GO AWAY Dave."

"Fine, fine."

**After my shower**

**In Dave's room**

We are sitting on Dave's bed with his laptop working out a plan of action on Rollo.

**Half an hour later**

Who knew planning revenge is this tiring?

I certainly didn't.

If I did I wouldn't have agreed to it!

**2 hours later**

**STILL WORKING ON REVENGE**

"Gadzooks and a half, Dave. Does it always take you this long to plan revenge?"

"Nope, usually about seven hours. This is going vair quickly because you are helping me."

Helping?

I don't know sitting on Dave's bed filing my nails is doing much except making me tired.

"Mr. Laugh, you must take your status seriously then."

"Of course I do! How couldn't I?"

"Well, I always assumed that seriousness was the opposite to funny, and, well… I never had you down as serious, that's all."

"What are you insinuating?" Dave said doing a crap imitation of that Derek guy on the Catherine Tate Show. "Me dear, serious dear, me dear, _no _dear!"

"Dave that was the crappest impression of Derek I have EVER seen."

"Well if it's so crap, how did you know I was being Derek?"

Good point well made.

"Well," Dave is saying, "We're finished. The plan of action will commence tomorrow. At the footie match at the park. Be there or be square."

"Dave, no-one says 'be there or be square'."

"Am I no-one, then?"

Good point, well made.

* * *

**_A/N: Well, voila! Another chapter done and dusted! YAY! Oh, it's my birthday on Friday, so do I get more reviews cos it's nearly my birthday? Go on, please! Yesterday I bought Cathy Cassidy's new book, Angel Cake. It's SO good. I lurve her books, they're marvy. I may well write an Angel Cake fanfic. It's tres cool. Well, I won't keep you - I'll hit upload. Enjoy!_**

**_Hoooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn!_**


	15. Jas Is A Lezzie

**_A/N: Well this is a filler chapter and I'm sorry it's only 200 words or something, but I'm really unwell and slept most of today so I didn't have much energy to write much, so I'm sorry. But please review anyway._**

**_PANTS!_**

"_Well," Dave is saying, "We're finished. The plan of action will commence tomorrow. At the footie match at the park. Be there or be square."_

"_Dave, no-one says 'be there or be square'."_

"_Am I no-one, then?"_

_Good point, well made._

**At the park**

**Barmy Army footy match commencing**

All of the Ace Gang are here to perv on their boyfriends.

I am with them as arranged.

I am being stared at by The Laugh.

Well fine then Mr. Laugh, if that's the way you want to do this, then bring it.

I stare straight back.

I'm trying to stare at his eyes but he doesn't have a shirt on.

Mmmmmm, he is actually quite well built.

"Stop eyeing me up Gee, you know I love it but there's plenty of time for that later," he says and winks.

Oh he's such a cheeky cat.

He ALWAYS insinuates rudey-dudey things.

"I AM a cheeky cat, KittyKat, but that's why you love me is it not?"

Bloody hell.

Even more mind reading going on.

Rosie, Jools, and Mabs are having a laughing spaz.

Ellen is going "hahahahahaha, erm, hahahahahaha, that's funny or something?"

And Jassy going "Tom respects me and would never insinuate such things."

As I have said before, Tom may just be a girl in disguise.

Erlack.

If Tom is a girl then Jas is a lezzie.

In which case I will not be letting her get too close to me.

And I MUST warn the others.

Immediately.

**_A/N: Well there you have it. The shortest chapter ever written by me. Sorry. But please review anyway and tell me what you think._**

**_Lottie_**

**_x_**


	16. We're Both Bullophobic

_**A/N: Hey all! Well, voila! Next chapter. Wowzee wow. I didn't even plan this chapter. I just wrote as I went and voila. I didn't even think about the animals in this until Gee was... well, how bout I let you read it, okay?**_

**_I REALLY hope you like it._**

**_:D_**

**_Horn!_**

_I__f Tom is a girl then Jas is a lezzie._

_In which case I will not be letting her get too close to me._

_And I MUST warn the others._

_Immediately_

**Sitting with Ace Gang**

Have warned the Ace Gang.

Only hiccup is that Jassy isn't speaking to me.

Oh well, her loss.

**5 minutes later**

Okay, Dave and I are almost ready to attack.

I get up, pretending to be stretching and I'm about to do my job that Dave assigned me when I see Uncle Eddie coming into the park.

In his feather codpiece.

Lovely.

And to make matters worse, he's seen me and he's yelling my name.

To save myself, I do what any sane person who had an Uncle Eddie in a feather codpiece yelling their name in a public place (or any place!) would do.

I ran.

I didn't look where the hell I was going, all I did was run.

**1 hour later**

**Still running**

I have no idea where I am.

I'm most likely in Preston-a-gogo Land by now.

I should probably look up to determine where the bloody hell I am.

Okay.

Done.

But… I have no idea where I am.

At all.

All I know is that I'm in a field full of bulls.

And it just so happens that I'm terrified of bulls.

And they're all surrounding me.

Oh God.

Oh Goddy God God.

They're closing in.

Help me.

What do I do, what do I do?!

I can't scream I can't scream.

Oh damn it.

I screamed.

The bulls made a whirring sound.

Huh?

Shouldn't they be mooing or bulling or whatever it is bulls do?

They've stopped.

And when I say they stopped, I mean: they stopped.

Completely.

No movement whatsoever.

I can (hopefully) make my escape now.

**Edging through two bulls**

Bulls are very, erm, interesting creatures.

I want to touch it's back to see what bulls feel like but I won't risk it.

**15 seconds later**

Just touched the bull's back.

It feels funny,

Kind of metallic.

But with fur on top.

Interesting.

I'll knock on it just to double check.

Yep, it's metal all right!

Oh God.

I am so unbelievable STUPID.

I completely forgot the plan.

I completely forgot we emailed Uncle Eddie yesterday to show up in his feather codpiece and scare Rollo into running into that field of bulls.

Cos Rollo's terrified of bulls.

Rollo is a bit like me.

We are both bullophobic (oo-er).

But Uncle Eddie stuffed it up.

He was SUPPOSED to come over and dance around near Rollo.

Not yell out "Georgia! Georgia!"

Stupid Uncle Eddie.

He probably forgot what he was supposed to do apart from come to the park in his feather codpiece.

So the IDIOT yelled my name.

Why didn't anyone stop me?

And who is going to come an get me?

I don't know the way.

_Dave _was the one who came and arranged the bulls.

And I know that they stop when a girl screams, but after 6 minutes they go on the attack again.

And I REALLY don't want to scream all night and day.

What to do, what to do.

This is vair vair dangerous.

And it's getting DARK!

Help me!

"Georgia?"

Praise be to Allah!

Someone has come to help me!

But it's so dark I can't tell who…

**_A/N: Who is it?_**

**_Be risky and daring: take a guess. _**

**_I don't even know yet... but I have an idea._**

**_So yeah._**

**_REVIEW, please, please pretty please!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

**_HORN!_**

**_Lottie_**

**_x_**


	17. Georgie Porgie

_**A/N: Bonjour groovers. Here is a slightly longer chapter for Fangs For The Snog. Our lovely Georgia is going to bump into an old friend whom she's not seen since Year Four.**_

_**Also, can Georgia last five minutes without displaying disgraceful red bottomosity?**_

_**I hope you enjoy this chapter. So I won't keep you.**_

_**Have fun!**_

_**OMG, guess what? You know how in Are These My Basoomas I See Before Me? Louise Rennison mentions a school called St Pat's? Well guess what? I got excited about this: My school's brother school is called St Pat's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And there's a St Pat's in the Georgia books! Lol. Anyway, sorry – I just kept you when I said I wouldn't. **_

_**Adios!**_

_**Lottie**_

_**x**_

I look around when I hear my name, hopefully.

I hope it's Dave, but his voice is different.

And I would know – I know his voice better than my own.

Actually I know many peoples' voices better than my own cos I prefer not to hear recordings of me talking, to be honest.

I always hate hearing myself.

"Georgia?" I can hear that voice again.

I'd best reply this time if I don't want to spend the night with the metal bulls.

"Who's this?"

"It's me… remember… your old best mate from primary school: Dimitri."

Oh my God!

It's Dimitri!!!!!!!!

I haven't seen him in SO long!

Not since the end of Year Four, when he left to go up to St Pat's.

He didn't go to Foxwood as his family's Catholic.

And St Pat's boys start in Year Five.

We used to be inseparable.

Except for when we were separated.

Then we weren't inseparable.

Oh, just stop asking me and let me say _Guten Tag _to Dimitri.

"Oh my God! Dimitri! Where are you?"

"Just here, Georgie-Porgie."

Oh my giddy God's pyjamas!

No one's called me Georgie Porgie since I last saw Dimitri.

He's the only one who's ever called me that.

I'll follow his voice and see if I can find him.

**15 seconds later**

Oh.

My.

Giddy.

God.

How _hot _has he become?

He's bloody gorgey, that's what.

He has really messy longy-short black hair, and these amazing eyes that I always used to be extremely jealous of.

They're indigo – almost purple.

And… guess what?

He has a six-pack.

I can see it through his T-shirt.

"Georgia Nicolson. Please stop eyeing me up and give us a hug."

Oops.

I think I've gone all red.

I go and give him a hug.

Mmmmmmm…

This hug is giving me jelloid knickers.

**5 minutes later**

"Come on, GeeGee, you can let go now…" Dimitri is saying.

Huh?

What?

I like this hug.

"Georgia!"

"Mmmm?"

"I know I'm hot… just LET GO!"

"Oops, sorry."

He's so up himself.

"'Sides, don't you have an unofficial boyfriend fandango going on right now with my cousin Dave? _(A/N: sorry, Dave's related to someone else… yeah I know, I'm a bit obsessed with making everyone related to everyone else. Sorry. I can't help it. Lol)_"

Huh?

"What? You're Dave's cousin? Isn't Rollo Dave's cousin?" I'm vair confuzzled.

"Georgie-Porgie, you really are an idiot. People can have more than one cousin… besides, I'm his cousin on his dad's side."

Hey!

I am so NOT an idiot.

"Well, I'm not lucky enough to have more than one cousin _(A/N: I am – I have 24 cousins. Sorry, you probably really don't wanna know this. Just ignore it and don't let it downgrade your opinion of me!) _and the cousin I do have is a nunga molestor."

"Never mind, GeeGee, you have heaps of mates. And Georgie?"

"_Oui_?"

"How did you forget your Uncle Eddie was supposed to be scaring Rollo? Rollo is acting very smug about the whole thing. And Uncle Eddie danced around in his feather codpiece, and gave everyone a free show. Your Uncle Eddie has not changed a bit."

Oh no!

Gave everyone a free show?

How embarrassing!!!!

And I have to go to school tomorrow and face the wrath of the girls.

Or worse… the laughter.

"Dimitri… to be perfectly honest… I haven't a clue. I think it was to escape people knowing that I know Uncle Eddie."

"They already knew. It was obvious. He was yelling your name."

"Dimitri, I have a question myself… how come you've suddenly popped up (oo-er) again?"

"I was actually just practising footie with the lads from school in the park, and then I saw Uncle Eddie, and I recognised him, and when he yelled your name and then saw you running, I went over to Dave and asked him what was going on. He told me to run after you and talk to him on the phone and he'd tell me. He said he had to speak to Uncle Eddie so he couldn't go after you."

We spend ages talking and catching up while he walked me home.

"Well, here we are then Gee," he says.

He's looking at me funny.

Oh no!

I hope he isn't scared to be my mate again cos he's realised how mad I am.

"Give us a hug, Dimitri," I say quickly.

Mmmm.

Have I mentioned how yummy his hugs are?

He sort of strokes my back in a nice way.

But not in a cat-strokey or parental way.

In a – oh shut up, people!

Can't I have a hug without interrogation from you lot?

**Half an hour later**

**Still hugging**

Dimitri is pulling back.

No!

No pulling back!

"I'd best be off Georgie Porgie," he says, and starts to walk up the street.

"Oy, Dimitri! Hang on a sec. We'd best stay mates now we've found each other again. Give us your number and I'll call you sometime."

He turns around, and his grin lights up the street.

He walks back and scribbles something on a piece of paper, hands it to me, and says, "What, GeeGee, I can't have your number?"

Oh, right!

Oops.

I write it down and hand it to him.

He starts to walk away again.

"By the way," I yell after him, "Thanks for saving me from the bulls. I'm vair bullophobic."

He doesn't even turn his head but he yells back "Oo-er Georgie-Porgie!"

**In my room**

God, I'm bored.

What can I do…?

Hey, I'll go ring Jassy and tell her about seeing Dimitri again.

**2 minutes later**

**At the phone**

"Bonjour Jassy!"

"Hey Gee! How are you? You okay?"

See, that's what I like about Jassy.

She cares about her besty pally.

"Yes, couldn't be better. Guess who came to save me?"

"Who, Gee? And from what?"

"Dimitri came to save me! And I can't tell you what from, that's classified info only known to Dave and me."

"I believe it's Dave and I. And Dimitri…? Who's Dimitri?"

God, Jassy can be so dim sometimes.

"You know Dimitri! From primary school. He went to St Pat's after Year Four and we never saw him again."

"Oh. Dimitri."

She doesn't seem very happy.

In fact, she sounds vair sniffy and turn-her-pointy-nose-down about it.

Jas takes a deep breath in, and says "Didn't you always leave me on a bench with our dolls and go off with Dimitri playing pranks."

"Jas, they weren't pranks, they were hilarosity filled games. Plus you were a boring dolly-player. You always told me I wasn't doing it right."

"Georgia, you abused your dolls!"

"Well, whatever. All I know is that you prevented creativitosity, and Dimitri was more fun."

For some unknown reason, Jassy has immediately gone into huffmobile.

She is SO sensitive it is unbelievable.

"Well if that's the way you feel, why did you ring me? Why didn't you rind Dimitri?"

**2 seconds later**

She's put the phone down!

Good grief – can't she last five minutes on the phone to her besty?

I take it back about what I said before.

She does NOT care about her besty pally.

Well, I most certainly _won't _be phoning her back.

**2 minutes later**

Have rung Jassy back.

"Hey Jas."

"Georgia, what is it now? Called back to tell me how boring I am and how much more fun Dimitri is?"

"No. I've rung you back to tell you that Dimitri doesn't look like he used to."

"Oh really?" she sounds tired of talking to me.

Well, that's nice of her isn't it?

"Yep. He's so hot. Bloody gorgey. He has longy-short messy black hair, indigo eyes – like he used to – _and he has a six-pack_! Vair vair dreamy. What god should he be? I know! He can be the Six-Pack God (A/N: I know, vair crappy name isn't it?)!"

"Georgia, forgive me if I'm right, but last time I heard, you were head-over-heels in lurve with Dave the Laugh and he wouldn't like it if you were showing red-bottomosity."

Jassy is soooooo sensible and boring.

But… I do love Dave.

He's my soul mate.

But maybe Dimitri is?

I mean, I've known him longer, haven't I?

And we always used to have a larf together.

And he's bloody gorgey.

Ahhh, I don't know.

Oh, I forgot to say goodbye to Jas.

Oops.

_**A/N: Please don't eat me!**_

_**Yes, I know…**_

_**She's displaying red bottomosity AGAIN.**_

_**But she's Georgia and can you expect any better?**_

_**Can she fight red bottomosity and keep her promise to the Hornmeister to not get herself another boyfriend, or will she break his heart?**_

_**Oh, and when you review (cos I know that you will – cos if you don't, I'll set Sven on you) see if you can guess what series of books I got the name Dimitri from.**_

_**I'll give you a hint: it's a book with vampires in it.**_

_**Love you all!**_

_**Lottie**_

_**x**_


	18. I Knew Her First

_**A/N: Hey hey! How is everyone? Thanks to all of my lurvely reviewers – I really appreciate your reviews, they make me vair happy. :D I get vair excited when I see I have an email in my inbox saying that I have a new review, so fanks heaps.**_

_**Here's Dave's POV, **_**again**_**, and I said I wouldn't do his POV again in this story. Ah well, I know you guys lurve seeing into his mad brain. Here you go – I dunno how long or short this chappy'll be – but for your sakes I hope it's long.**_

_**Ta-raaaaaaaaa**_

**At the footie match.**

Well, it started off like it should.

Gee stood up, to be ready to do her bit when Uncle Eddie came to scare Rollo.

But it all went wrong when Uncle Eddie actually showed up.

But I s'pose I can't blame Gee completely as Uncle Eddie did come looking extremely frightening.

But I reckon she'd have been fine, if only Uncle Eddie hadn't been yelling her name.

If he was yelling my name, I s'pose I'd have done exactly what Gee did: run.

She ran and ran along the trap we'd planned for Rollo.

I had to sort out Uncle Eddie, so when I saw my cousin Dimitri playing footie, I told him to go after her and I'd tell him on the phone what was going on.

All of the Ace Gang (minus Jas, as she didn't see him – she was snogging Hunky) were drooling over him, their boyfriends looking vair jealous.

I also found out an interesting fact about him from Ellen.

He was Gee's best friend until Year Five, when he went to St Pat's.

So I guess, in a way, I'm also testing Gee to see if she can stick to our deal.

I bet she can't – she has the biggest red bottom EVER.

I think she really meant it when she said she loved me though.

The only problem is that Gee is easily swayed.

And no, I don't mean she's easily swayed from side to side – her nungas and nose make her too heavy for someone to do that.

So, I wonder…

_Can _she stop her red bottom from rearing its head?

Yeah yeah, I know that the bum-oley is the opposite from the head.

It's an expression, okay?

God, you people are SO ANNOYING.

I'm so vair bored.

I'll ring Dimitri, see if he found Georgia.

"Hello?"

"Hi Aunty Emma. Is Dimitri there?" I asked. "Oh, it's Dave," I added as an afterthought.

"I know, Dave. How could I not know it was you? I'd know your voice anywhere. I'll just get him."

**30 seconds later**

"Hey Dave."

"Bonjour Dimitri. Find Gee okay?"

"Yes, I did. Blimey, she's looking gorgey these days, isn't she? You're lucky you've got her, mate. If she didn't have an unofficial girlfriend, I'd definitely ask her out."

Ooooooh, the nerve of him!

"Dimitri, how can you even say that? She's mine."

"Dave, it's the truth. And you don't own her – she's not even officially going out with you. She would be, but you said no. And I knew her first. We were best friends ten years before you even met her. I have more of a right to her than you do. You're my cousin and a great mate of mine, but I think we have a bit of competition right now."

"Gee and I have been through so much together. And now you're saying you want to have a competition over her? She isn't a prize – she's a girl!"

"A gorgey one. That I knew first. So… lets see who she prefers, you or me. And may I say that she didn't want to pull away when I hugged her…"

"Fine!" I snapped, "It's on!"

"Fine."

"Fine."

**1 minute later**

I can't believe him!

He knows I lurve her.

He knows!

And he's trying to steal her off me.

Ahh this is all my fault.

I should've gone after her.

Damn damn and damn again.

And also _merde._

And _ficken._

Anyway, she was probably just glad to see her old besty.

Hey – I always thought Jas had been her besty since primary school.

Obviously only when Dimitri left.

And he's probably her besty again now that she knows where he is again.

Poor Jas.

I can relate to her.

And then I did something I thought I'd never do.

_**A/N: Did you like it? I still like Dimitri, but not as much. He's trying to steal Gee from Dave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Poor Davey-Boy. Dimitri is his COUSIN. What do you think he did that he thought he'd never do?**_

_**I don't think this chappy was as funny as it should've been, but I'm vair tired, so I'm sorry.**_

_**Oh, and PM Dave – he'd like that. His FF penname is Jack the Biscuit. So yeah…**_

_**Oh, and he's been writing songs and he'd like you to read them – look for Dave's Songs. It'll be on my profile. He didn't have a FF when he wrote it so he used mine. Haha.**_

_**Well… Review! :D**_

_**Lottie**_

_**x**_


	19. Der Doodelsack

_**A/N: Bonjour groovers! Sorry for the loooooonnnng wait, I've been traveling and such likes. Haha. Well last semester I got a crap report card cos I didn't do my assignments til the last minute cos I was always on FanFiction, and I've said I'll do better this semester, so updates may take longer; it depends on the amount of annoying assignments I get. But yeah. Lol. I think this is going to be the last chapter in this story – but don't worry, there'll be a sequel! Yep, my first sequel!!!!! Haha. Well it's not that exciting, but it kinda is too! And I won't take ages to put the sequel up, cos I got lots of fabby ideas for my stories when I was in Europe, and I can't wait to write them. Haha.**_

_Dave POV_

_Poor Jas._

_I can relate to her._

_And then I did something I thought I'd never do._

Gee POV

**Walking to school (A/N: I've lost track of the date, so ****let's just say it's Monday)**

**Monday morning**

Jassy has gone on without me.

She must still be riding along in the huffmobile after last night.

Well it's not MY fault I forgot to say goodbye to her.

I am honestly the only person around here selfless enough to think about me.

**German**

I'm sitting with Rosie and Jools as Mabs and Ellen have sided with Jassy and are sitting with her at the front of the classroom.

Nerds.

Herr Kamyer is rambling on about his weekend in Germany with his family.

I'm listening because there might be some comedy opportunities.

"And ven I got to the airport, my little sister was there – her name is Lieselotte (A/N: I love that name – I wish my parents had called me Lieselotte instead of just plain old Lotte. Couldn't they have stuck the Liese bit in front? My dad wanted a German name for me and there is one that they SHOULD HAVE GIVEN ME BUT DIDN'T. Sorry for my little rant. Read on) and she took me home, and I got in the front door, and Vati was there playing his doodelsack," Herr Kamyer was saying.

Basically it translates to "Blah blah blah, Lieselotte, blah we couldn't care less, blah blah doodelsack."

Wait!

What's a doodelsack?

It sounds vair comedy filled.

I put my hand up.

"Yes, Georgia?"

"Herr Kamyer, I was just wondering: what is that thing you call the doodelsack?"

"Er yes, that is a _sehr _good question. I am not sure how you say it in English. I will draw the doodelsack for you."

And he got out his piece of chalk and started drawing some weird shape on the board.

Hmm.

"Herr Kamyer," Rosie said, "You are a German teacher, not an art teacher, so could we look it up on the internet?"

Herr Kamyer looked delighted. "Yes, yes that is a _sehr _good idea, we just need to get _der _laptop."

He Herr Kamyer-ed out of the classroom, ginger leg hairs flying.

Seriously, can't the guy get himself a pair of decent trousers?

**5 minutes later**

Herr Kamyer is Herr-Kamyer-ing back into the classroom with a positively ancient laptop.

He is making his way to his desk quite quickly.

He's probably vair excited to show us his doodelsack.

**30 seconds later**

Ohmygiddygod'spyjamas!

Herr Kamyer has tripped over the wire!

He's managed to save the laptop though, and he's trying to get himself back up.

**5 minutes later**

Oh my dear Lord Sandra.

You will never guess what a doodelsack is.

It's a bagpipe!

Herr Kamyer's dad plays the bagpipes!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

"Herr Kamyer, do you play _der _doodelsack too?" Jools asked.

"Yes! Yes, I do! I haf it here, I sometimes give concerts in _der _staffroom. I will go and get it!"

Oh dear Lord.

We are getting a concert from Herr Kamyer.

The other teachers get that a lot.

No wonder they're evil fascists.

I would be too if I had to have Herr Kamyer giving a doodelsack concert for me every now and then.

I have to get out.

"Rosie. Jools," I hissed.

"What?"

"We have to get out. Now."

Jools said, "But what's our plan?"

**1 minute later**

We're standing at the window.

I look at Rosie and Jools, open the window and start to climb out while they hold the window open.

I'm sitting on the window ledge when I hear Miss Wilson behind me. "Georgia? What are you doing? School isn't over yet – we still have Herr Kamyer's concert to look forward to. Oh, Herr Kamyer is such a good bagpipe player. Sometimes when we're alone he – "

Miss Wilson went red and stopped.

Oooh, so there IS something going on with Miss Wilson and Herr Kamyer.

I'd always suspected as much.

I'm glad she stopped, because I really don't want to hear teacher-porn.

Jools stepped in.

No – I don't mean she literally stepped in, it's a figure of speech.

How come I always have to explain things to all you people.

Do you live under rocks or something?

_Anyway_, Jools stepped in (leave it) and said, "Miss Wilson, Georgia was looking for the best place to watch Herr Kamyer's concert from, and this seemed to be it."

Miss Wilson smiled. "Oh yes, that is a good place. I often sit there too when I watch Herr Kamyer."

Oo-er.

But now I feel dirty, sitting here where Miss Wilson sits when she and Herr Kamyer do their teacher-doodelsack porn.

I started to move, when Miss Wilson said, "Oh Georgia, don't think you have to move because of me – that's okay, you sat there first."

"Oh no, Miss Wilson, I can't take your favourite place from you."

I stepped back and Rosie, Jools and I ran back to our desks and I said, "I feel dirty now."

**5 minutes later**

Herr Kamyer came back in with his doodelsack.

As soon as he came in, Miss Wilson started cheering.

Okay…

He began to play.

**Half an hour later**

The bell finally went for the end of school.

Herr Kamyer stopped playing, and we all cheered.

What he didn't know was that we were cheering cos it was over.

"Girls," he said, " Before you go, I have some news for all of you."

I wonder if he and Miss Wilson are getting married and we're all invited.

Haha!

**1 minute later**

Oh.

My.

God.

How cool?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

**At the gates**

The boys are waiting there.

Lucky we'd thought to do our make up before we left.

I looked for Dave.

He was being Dave the Unlaugh.

I don't know why though.

I'll bet seeing me will cheer him up though.

"Dave!" I said.

"Hey Georgia," he said quietly.

What?

No 'KittyKat' or 'Sex Kitty' or even just a 'Gee'?

"What's the matter Dave?"

"Nothing's the matter, Georgia."

Argh.

Why won't he tell me what's up?

Well I'll try and cheer him up.

"Dave, guess what?!"

"What Georgia? You've actually passed a subject?"

Ouch.

That stings.

He's being mean.

Dave the Laugh is being MEAN?!

He's never mean.

Ever.

I'm gonna ignore that though and tell him my news.

"No – I mean, yes, but I always pass. The news is that Stalag 14, and Foxwood are going to Lederhosen-a-gogo and Swisscheese-a-gogo for two weeks!"

_**A/N: Well there you go! Fangs For The Snog is officially OVER. Review, and I'll be sehr happy. X)**_

_**I can't wait to write the sequel, it'll be so much funnnn!**_

_**I'll put an author's note up soon about the sequel, so look out for it!**_

_**Sorry that chapter wasn't very good, I've been reading the actual books for Vampire Academy, and they aren't comedy as such. Haha. Oh, and I forgot to say before, Dimitri came from Vampire Academy. Lol.**_

_**Ta-raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!**_

_**Lottie **_

_**x**_


	20. info on sequel

_**A/N: okay, the sequel has been PUBLISHED! It's called Do I Look Fat In These PANTS?**_

_**Well, why are you still reading this? Go read the sequel – you'll prefer that to this.**_

_**X)**_

_**Go!**_

…

_**Why are you still here?...**_

_**GO!**_

_**Now.**_

_**I won't say it again.**_

…

_**GO, GO, and thrice GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_


End file.
